some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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