I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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