You made me cry and you don't even care
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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