Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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