The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
