wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
