i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
