I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
