shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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