No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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