when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
