absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
