We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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