my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
