i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
