The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
