So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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