I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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