Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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