Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
