Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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