im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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