While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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