I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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