She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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