I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
