I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We had sex on a dog bed..
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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