so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
