It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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