in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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