THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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