dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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