It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
