The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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