Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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