So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
