I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
