How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
