you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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