i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
