I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
