It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize