He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
no, he came in my armpit
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
