The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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