My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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