Screwed.edu
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
why do cheetos always look like penises
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
