I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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