We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
