I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
