I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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