We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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