I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
