his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
