I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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