I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
