I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
