i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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