Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
