I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
