it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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