i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
