my mouth tastes like poor choices
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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