you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
