ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I smell stomach acid.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
