i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
