The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
