Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
