is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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