Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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