we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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