i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize