that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize