well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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