I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
