I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
