We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
