Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
