I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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