Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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