Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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