he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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