A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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