So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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