Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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