It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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