hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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