Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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