Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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