we have officially lost it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
