Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
