Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
