I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
