Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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