omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
